In well-functioning families, there is an intact generational boundary.
What does this mean? Between the children and the adults in the family, there is an unseen dividing line. This lines acts more as a semi-permeable membrane than a brick walI. It means that some information passes between the generations and some does not. And it means that some information can be requested or expected from adults of children but that children may not have the same expectation.
While this line is invisible, its presence is clear when parents ensure that there are differences between them and their children in the family. Here are some ways this can be demonstrated:
1. Parents can direct children, but children do not direct parents.
2. Parents can demand information from children of the sort that children cannot demand of parents.
3. Children have a bed time that can be established by the parents, not the other way around.
4. Parents may insist that children eat certain foods that they don't care for; children can't do the same with their parents.
5. Parents may demand explanations from children of the sort that children may not of parents.
6. Parents can ask questions of their children that their children may not ask of them.
When this understanding is unclear, problems tend to develop in families. For example, when couples are divorcing there may be a tendency to share inappropriate information with a child about the other parent or aspects of the parents' relationship problems.
In single-parent families there can be an understandable tendency to share more with a child than is wise because of the absence of a co-parent.
Two-parent families with no significant marital strife are not immune from this tendency. They must guard against the possibility of their children crossing that generational boundary an assuming a role alongside the adult.
In all families, regardless of their make-up, maintenance of the boundary between generations is essential for the healthy development of the children.