The primary cause of mother guilt is the pervasive notion that mothers aren't doing enough for their children. They believe that that should always be doing more or better for their kids.
The main carriers of this disease are other mothers. These mothers prattle on constantly about all that they are doing for their child. They are the mothers who are baking their own bread, making their own peanut butter, and continually stimulating their children through trips to the museum, reading The Iliad in the original Greek, and playing Mozart to their children in utero.
The measure of their love for and devotion to their children is how much they do for them. They take pride in being frazzled and exhausted by all the efforts they make on behalf of their children: the hot breakfasts, the Kumon math lessons, the cello instructions. Their motto is: The more I do for my child, the better mother I am.
Now, there is clearly nothing wrong with a hearty breakfast, or intellectual and cultural stimulation. But this credo overlooks the fact that, generally speaking, the less that is done for kids the better they do.
We are doing no favor for our children when we do for them what they can do for themselves. In fact, we are unintentionally doing them a disservice by preventing them from developing a sense of their own capability.
Outside of the occasional common courtesy, we are inadvertently handicapping our kids when we tie their shoes or get them a glass of water when they are capable of doing so themselves.
Worse, we could be unintentionally setting them up for depression, one key quality of which is a diminished sense of personal capability, the ability to respond to adversity and shape one's world.
So, all you moms out there get comfortable with doing less for your children. It's a win-win situation: your kids will benefit and you will be less hassled.