Margaret, fifteen years old, smokes cigarettes. Her mother, obviously, would like her to quit. When she discovers that Margaret is smoking or has cigarettes in her possession, she punishes her. With each discovery, the punishment increases in severity or duration.
Margaret continues to smoke.
Mom continues to punish her.
And on and on . . .
Mom is apparently hoping that she will stumble upon just the right punishment delivered with just the right amount of unpleasantness that Margaret will give up her smoking behavior. Or that, in the face of continued punishment, Margaret will conduct a cost/benefit analysis and decide that continued smoking is just not worth it.
However, at this point, neither of those things has happened. What has happened is that, along with continuing to smoke, Margaret is becoming resentful of her mother, as her mother is of her. Their entire relationship has become contaminated by this issue. It has now come to be the essence of who they are together.
It is also a logjam. Margaret will continue to smoke until Mom decides to change course, and Mom will continue to punish until Margaret sees the light and changes her behavior. Neither is likely to happen.
Mom needs to break the deadlock. She needs to acknowledge that her methods are not working. Not only are they not working, they are creating an additional problem on top of the one already there: their mother-daughter relationship is in shambles.
She needs to openly admit her limited influence in shaping this particular behavior of her daughter's. She needs to express more pain and worry than anger. She needs to focus on aspects of their relationship other than those related to cigarettes.
They need to do more together than merely clash over this issue, because Margaret is essentially motherless at this crucial time in her life. Despite her best intentions, Mom would be well-served if she realized that punishment is just not the answer in this case, and it may well be a huge part of the problem.