The process of raising children is frequently described as "the hardest job you'll ever have.
I was once asked to make a presentation to a group of parents with that as the suggested title. I agreed to do the presentation, but only if I could change the title to "Parenting: It Doesn't Have To Be That Hard."
Why did I suggest the change? Because what we tell ourselves often becomes our reality. Therefore, if we think that a task if going to be inordinately difficult, it will be. Conversely, if we remind ourselves that the job is manageable, we will handle it with more ease.
So there are a lot of parents who, supported by the culture, have come to see parenting as a really tough job. As a consequence, they make it harder than it needs to be. They do so by overcomplicating a task that has been done successfully for generations by people with no uncommon knowledge or particular skill.
How do they overcomplicate it? Here are several ways:
-
They trouble themselves with too many concerns about their children. The focus of yesterday's parents was on children's behavior. They concerned themselves with children's conduct, with the development of their character, and the encouragement of personal responsibility. Today's parents are more likely to be interested in less tangible concerns like whether or not the child is happy, or has good self-esteem, or has a good relationship with the parent. These modern concerns muddy the parental waters.
-
They have too much information. Again, while yesterday's parents had a small handful of concerns, modern parents are deluged with information regarding children, parenting and child development from experts of various stripes. This extra knowledge has produced uncertainty rather than direction, anxiety rather than assurance, and confusion instead of clarity.
-
They do too much for their kids. Parents rouse their kids in the morning, pack their backpacks, check their assignments, oversee their homework, and pour a lot of energy into parenting that should be expended by the children themselves.
So, make it easier on yourself. Leave to the child that which is the child's. Remember, he is his own person, not merely a reflection of your efforts. And focus on the things you can see (behavior, conduct, performance) more than the things you can't (emotions, self-esteem). The bonus is that making it easier also makes it better for both you and your children.