If some self-esteem is good, isn't more better?
All parents say they want their kids to have high self-esteem, but is this what we should want for our children--to have high self-regard no matter what?
Self-esteem should be connected to performance--not just in the classroom or on the athletic field, but also when it comes to seemingly mundane things like picking up after oneself, or more important concerns like how we treat others.
HIgh self-esteem in conjunction with poor performance is a dangerous combination. It is not good if our children feel good while they are doing bad. For example, a group of teenagers with elevated self-esteem are those that belong to urban gangs. They feel so good about themselves that they believe themselves entitled to abuse the rights of others. Kids who feel good while doing bad would benefit from a dose of humility
If our kids are behaving poorly and thereby feeling bad about themselves, that is a good thing. The clear route to improved self-esteem is improved performance. To the extent that this improved conduct is a function of self-reliance, initiative, and a sense that they can attack problems and gain some resolution, the self-esteem of your children is enhanced in a positive way.
So, it is not the case that more self-esteem is always better. And feeling better about oneself is not the route to doing better--in fact, it is the other way around.