This lesson introduces the concept of rule-governed behavior. It highlights the critical nature of compliance in the development of the child, and that compliance training forms the foundation of self-control, problem-solving, and problem-avoidance. All four of these life skills are essential for the child to enjoy a satisfied life, but the child is unlikely to achieve any of them in the absence of compliance training.

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One of the ways that the parents’ job is simplified is to focus on what children do. What children do that is all that a parent can know with certainty; the rest is guesswork. Rather than guessing, parents can proceed with increased assurance when their focus is on behavior rather than other less tangible and knowable concerns, such as why their children are misbehaving, or on the child’s attitude.

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Why not focus on attitude? Because attitudes are ultimately unknowable, don’t need to change in any event, and will likely only change following a change in their behavior and the experience that change brings. When parents try to change what their children think or believe (which is what an attitude is), they begin the process that is so frustrating to parents, because what they are doing is futile, unnecessary, and typically leads only to arguments.

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When a parent experiences a stubborn child behavior problem, they usually think of the problem as a matter of the child’s performance and often in psychological terms. Our simple yet elegant definition of the problem is the same thing over and over again. This definition includes what the parent is doing as well as the child and introduces the notion that if the parent responds differently so will the child. The same things parents typically do are to become wordy and emotional, with little impact on the child’s behavior. To see change in their child, parents must do something different than merely become worked up and talk. Please log in or register to view full article and video

Since change in behavior is our focus, Skill #1, Targeting Behavior, is presented. Parents learn to avoid unhelpful descriptions of problems and use verbs instead of adjectives when relating what their child is doing. Targeting the specific behavior that the parents want changed is the first critical step in the process. Described in this manner, problems appear smaller and more manageable, and parents have taken the first critical step toward solution. Please log in or register to view full article and video

Dennis, together with the parents, demonstrates how to specifically target the behaviors of their children that have been troubling them. Viewers can see how some parents, accustomed to using adjectives and psychological terms, struggle with this concept. But as parents adopt this skill, they sense an increase in their ability to manage the behavior and minimize the problem. Please log in or register to view full article and video

Why their kids do what they do tends to intrigue parents. There are many models to explain the behavior of children, most of which are overly complicated or rooted in theory rather than the real world. And many explain the behavior but don’t go on to suggest what can be done to solve the problem. The model presented in the video is both simple and practical; it is simple to understand and the skills which flow from it are easy to implement. Please log in or register to view full article and video

No single factor perpetuates the negative behavior of children more than engagement. Children have successfully engaged their parents when the parent, in response to the child’s behavior, becomes emotional and wordy. When a child’s behavior results in engagement—that is, when a parent reacts wordily and emotionally—that behavior has been unintentionally reinforced and will likely be repeated. It is this engagement which leads to the single most common complaint of parents regarding their children—that they are argumentative. Please log in or register to view full article and video

The benefits of a simple command, where parents tell their children what they expect rather than request, are emphasized. As parents realize that they have been requesting rather than expecting compliance, they develop insight into why their efforts have been ineffective. Distinctions are drawn regarding when to direct and when to request that clarify the concept. Parents directing their children to engage in expected behaviors is the second critical step in the process of gaining children’s compliance. Please log in or register to view full article and video

Acknowledgement is the key to increasing positive behavior. Many parents harbor misconceptions about how best to respond to positive behavior. Most understand, incorrectly, that effusive praise is the most effective way to reward behavior. This myth is corrected while acknowledgment and its supporting research are explained along with the pitfalls of praise. Please log in or register to view full article and video

Self-esteem is probably the most misunderstood concept regarding children. Dennis explains that children’s self-esteem does not flow from the praise of parents, that parents cannot give their children self-esteem.. The operative word is self-esteem is self—Dennis shows how parents can put the self back in self-esteem by expecting and encouraging initiative, responsibility, and the capability of the child. Please log in or register to view full article and video

At the end of the second class session, parents report their efforts in specifying the behaviors they targeted while avoiding focus on attitude, adjectives, and psychological terminology. Please log in or register to view full article and video

Disengagement is crucial in extinguishing unappealing behaviors. As the name suggests, disengagement is the polar opposite of engagement. By disengaging, parents demonstrate to their children that their unappealing behavior will not get them what they want, which is an emotional reaction from their parents. It also prevents arguments over the child’s performance, attitude, or behavior. Please log in or register to view full article and video

The Direct Reprimand is an exceedingly simple and effective way to deal with noncompliance. Using this technique, parents communicate the seriousness of their intent. It leaves no doubt in the child’s mind that the parent expects compliance. Parents who utilize the Direct Reprimand typically see almost immediate improvement in compliance. Please log in or register to view full article and video

Time Out is introduced and defined as a punishment, not a cooling-off period for both parent and child, although that may be a positive byproduct. Time out, while not a perfect punishment, combines the elements of effective punishments better than any other single technique. However, because most parents do not use time out correctly, their efforts are misguided and thus usually ineffective. The planning of the time out process is outlined and emphasized. Please log in or register to view full article and video

The practical application of time out is described and a step-by-step process for utilizing it to reduce problematic behavior is detailed. The process is characterized by a minimum of words and an absence of emotion on the part of the parent. It is a simple, straightforward technique that serves as a punishment because if denies the child engagement while removing him from where the action is and placing him where the action is not. Please log in or register to view full article and video

Parents ask practical, real-world questions about the use of time out to address noncompliance. Please log in or register to view full article and video

Discussion is held about time out specifically and punishment in general as parents consider how it might be applied with their children. Please log in or register to view full article and video

The high level of interest in time out is marked by yet more conversation and questioning about the use of time out, as parents see how simple and effective it promises to be. The sequence of the three punishments—direct reprimand, disengagement, and time out--is presented is discussed. Please log in or register to view full article and video

Parents report on the real-world successes they are experiencing by using the skills of the course. Viewers can see their confidence building as they report taking charge of their children through the utilization of the skills they have learned thus far in class. Please log in or register to view full article and video

Parents continue to describe improved compliance by their children and a reduction in their own frustration as they consistently apply the skills see the positive results. Please log in or register to view full article and video

Parents are often stymied by how to respond to the unwanted behavior of their outside the home. They usually feel hamstrung when negative behavior presents itself in three typically troublesome situations: in public, in the car, and at the children’s grandparents. Dennis explains how parents can take decisive action in these circumstances, as they demonstrate to their children that a rule is a rule, no matter where we are and no matter whom we are with. Please log in or register to view full article and video

Many parents describe their children as argumentative. This is the easiest of all problems with children to solve, because it merely involves parents making one small change in their response to their children. Dennis describes why arguments persist between parent and child and presents this sure-fire, fool-proof way to guarantee there are no more arguments between parents and their children. Please log in or register to view full article and video

The skills learned are presented in a flow chart to help parents with their decision-making regarding how to respond to any behavior of their children. Parents completing the course are now equipped with a view of problem behavior and the skills necessary to respond to any behavior presented by their children, positive or negative, non-compliant or unappealing. Please log in or register to view full article and video